December, and a Christmas crowd

0:01 On the way to my next gig

Alright guys, on the way to my next gig. It's an RAF gig and it's in Shrewsbury. My dad was there in the early 60s and he... My mum told me a story that one morning they got up, they didn't have any kippers for breakfast so they flew to the Isle of Man to get some. How like just punk is that? That is just beautiful. So dad, I love you mate. Right, it's going to be an interesting night tonight. It's for the officers' mess I believe and they're generally full on. A bunch of good people, enjoy a laugh. There'll be a free bar there tonight. I might stop over, I don't know. If I do, I might have a couple of drinks but generally what I do, I'll have one or two and that's about it really because you've got enough to contend with. So it's onwards and upwards and let's...

Let's get on and have a good show. I think that car in front of me thinks I'm some sort of policeman because he's going really slow. You're thinking, why on earth is he filming me? Alright, got a whole bunch of kit as well today so a couple of questions people have been asking. Do I set it up all myself? Yes. I occasionally have someone helping me but I'm not saying I can't rely on anybody else but you've got to get them, you've got to pick them up, you've got to take them back, all this sort of stuff. I like to do things myself. Anyway... Let's pause and see what happens. Just briefly, my sense of humour here. I just passed a sign. It's around Christmas time now. And on the sign there was a picture of a turkey pointing in a certain direction. And underneath the sign it said, Turkey's this way. What do you honestly think? A bloody turkey's going to point you in the direction so you can eat the damn thing. I'm sorry. Oh come this way! Look! Flavour and... Sorry.

Well, sadly we have a very simple setup. The chap I met wanted it very simple. He didn't want any video. He thought that was a bit too modern. And I've actually been here before. Sat right there and did video. So, it's a very basic setup. Got a couple of cam power bars, got the light console, the Wharfdale cabs, a couple of... My favourite, well my favourite lights actually. These are the Xmove LEDs and a nice little LED light with red and green laser. Well that there is the American DJ, ADJ LED 3 watt sparkle. Very nice little unit that. Now luckily I brought the MEP as well so thank goodness for that.

3:13 I think they play brass instruments, the likes of saxophone etc

Here we go, looking very posh ladies and gentlemen. And up there we have, well it's not exactly a band, more sort of background music during the meal. I think they play brass instruments, the likes of saxophone etc. So that should be quite nice. Up on the balcony as well. And seeing as it's a very big room, it should be quite a good sound. Alright guys, another weird and wacky gig log at the moment. It's quite funny actually where the camera is sat on now, I'll explain in a little bit. But I'd like to tell you a story. It's a very, very true story. And it took place at a gig I did many, many years ago. I mean, many years ago. And some people, some may say, it's a little bit naughty, but well, you know, it's like...

6:10 No, you've got to really pump it up because the worst thing in t

It happened. Anyway, so I'm at this function, turn up and set all the gear up in a marquee and there's two marquees actually. There's one where the DJ kit is and then there's like a tunnel into the main area where people are sitting and eating. And I set up the speakers, the lights etc. And of course when you set up the first thing you need to do Your PA is tested. So, of course, the only good way of testing your PA, and here's a tip for you, is don't just turn it on, press it on and think, oh, it works, I can just about hear it. No, you've got to really pump it up because the worst thing in the world that can happen is potentially you're turning it up four and all of a sudden it cutting out because there's not enough power. So, a tip for you, when you do test your PA, you have to turn it up really loud to make sure

Nothing cuts out, you've got enough power to turn it up full blast. Whether it be 100 watts or 10,000 watts, make sure you've got enough. So I did that and I had the mother of the bride come in. Oh, turn it down, turn it down, we don't want that, turn it down. So I did turn it down. Then of course the next thing you've got to do really, because the lights are simple, just put the lights on and they flash. So the next thing was the microphone. So microphone, one two, one two. The bloody bride's father walks in. You know, they were there. I've stopped me drinking my port, old chap. Not that it's that bad. So, I turn it down again and we think, oh great, right blinking night this is going to be. But, during the course of the evening, and again, another tip for you. If you are working away, and alright, yes, there is a tip in a tip here. If you're working away and you don't know if you're going to get food,

8:39 Except for one drink that one of the staff brought me

For the evening either, one, request it or two, take it with you. Don't turn up and think, oh dear I wonder if we're going to have some food. Mind you there is psychology behind that because quite often if you just go and help yourself everyone thinks you've asked someone and no one bothers saying why are you eating because they all think you've asked them. Anyway, so during the course of the evening no one offered any drinks, no food, nothing. So by the end of the night I was absolutely starving. Except for one drink that one of the staff brought me. And at the end of the night, around about, it finished quite early-ish, sort of 12-1, they had the Oval Teenies, which is We are the Oval Teenies, little girls and boys. And this is, we're going back about 15 or 18 years now with this particular gig. Thank God. They don't remember me. And so...

We, uh, right, do the Ovaltinis, uh, the Bride, and then, that's right, and then everyone just vanishes. They go! They just, like, disappear. The Bride and group have gone. Everyone jumps on a bus and, like, it's empty. So I start packing up, and the Bride's father comes in, and by this time he's had half a bucket of pork. During the war. I mean, he's absolutely, seriously, schwimmed. Anyway, and, um, channel? I don't know. So, right, so he said, oh marvellous, help yourself to food and drink. It's like, thank you, now you tell us. So I went through the tunnel into the other area and they had a finger buffet all night. And I mean by that time it was walking, you know, I mean there was stuff crawling all over it. You know, people have been dipping their hands in it and toilets and sneezing and no, you didn't want to go there. But then I was parched, so drink. I mean, I was...

I was driving home that night anyway, so for me it was just like, look, a glass of water or something. So, got a drink of water and while I was in the other area I noticed that instead of going all the way around the one area I did to set the gear up, I could actually go through, not the house, but through the garage and it was a much quicker route to get the gear back into the van. And on going through the garage, I noticed crates and crates and cases and cases of beer. Now to this day, he said help yourself to food and drink. And I helped myself to drink about four crates of Stella. Thank you! Practice and enjoy!

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