NEXTBEAT IN PARIS The Movie part 1

0:05 Eiffel Tower

Right, here we are ladies and gentlemen. We're actually in Paris and I met these two, I don't know, how would you describe the two of you? Lunatics. That sounds about right. We've got mum and daughter but which one's the mum? Jonathan. Yeah, is that wrong? So why are you here in Paris? For a holiday. Yes, what are you going to do? Go to the Eiffel Tower. Stuff? Anything? Anything. Go clubbing. Have a laugh. You better watch out for the old EBGB jab jab blokes. You know what I mean? A bottle of wine, a bit of champagne, who knows? Right, what we've done is we're just going to go that direction, aren't we? They've got their baguettes, they've got their baguettes, of course. Now when we're Petit Point and all that, now we're in French, we've got to talk French now. So we will now talk French, OK? Thank you. A bientôt. A bientôt. You're taking the P now, aren't you?

Alright, here we are guys in the middle of Paris and you'll notice lots of vehicles. They're the things with flashy lights on. They're not flashing at the moment because they're basically standing still. You will notice of course during the course of the day that you do have a lot of scratchy things. Hello! You have lots of scratchy things on vehicles. That's down to everyone bangs into each other. Look! Dispano! The next voice! Woohoo! We'll have some of that. Right mate! Hello! Hello! Agi, agi, agi! Oi, oi! La bus! Nearly bus hit. Hello. Good afternoon. Practice and enjoy. It's a very good saying. Paris. Courtesy of Nextbeat. We're going to Queen's Club tonight with DJ Chucky and that's going to be fun. So what I'm going to do, instead of doing...

3:06 I suppose half a dozen videos

I suppose half a dozen videos. I'll just do one feature length so we'll have all of this footage together so you can sit back and relax and watch lots of stuff or alternatively you can think, don't really want to watch this and you can turn it off and like do other really interesting things like watch television or watch the news that's full of crap. So here we are in the centre of Paris. It's a lovely day. People seem to be very happy. I've already made a couple of people smile. It's going to be my job to just make people smile. You know, never met them before in my entire lives, but let's see what happens. Okay, this is going to be fun. Will they get squashed? Yes, they're trying. Look, they're looking. They're looking. Will they? Yes. Oh, hold on. No. That was close. That was close. See, these people are getting ready. Shall we do it? He's going to chance it. Yes.

5:26 This beautiful view

They made it. They've survived. Right, here we go in the hotel. Oh, another camera there. Strange. That's private. Right, so here I am in my room and it's actually quite nice. There's a door. There's a box that transmits stuff that I never really watch anymore. There's some coffee stuff. A bed. Let's just check it. Yeah, that's fine. There's... One of those things, that for washing your feet and stuff. And hold on, you're going to bleed. I've got to show you this beautiful view. I mean, you know what? They spoil you here. I'm not taking the piss, it's just so funny. That's nice, look at this view. That's classic. Oh look, I can see the sky! Right, I'm walking along somewhere in Paris. It's a known fact that every single car in Paris has got a dent in it. In other words, you know, brand new car, drive it out the showroom, it's got a dent in it. Seriously, it's like that. So what we're going to do now is look at dents. Now that's a dent. No, a dent-dent. Now in fact, that's a dented, dented, dent-dent of a dent-dent. Now that's ridiculous.

Okay, centre of Paris and I'm going to introduce you ladies and gentlemen to the world's most dangerous roundabout. You have to be a psychotic nutter to go around this particular roundabout. Anything can happen anytime under any circumstances. It's basically a free-for-all. Let's take a few minutes to sit back and relax and enjoy the wonders of the Arc de Triomphe.

7:38 You'll notice all those getting ready to go

You'll notice all those getting ready to go. Also notice no traffic lights. Just to inform you, those particular people in the centre have been there for the past 10 years and are still wandering around the Arc de Triomphe trying to find how, which is the best way to actually get out. Right, oh here we go, yeah, right, there we go. Okay, this could be fun. And I don't know if you noticed that earlier on we had some dents. Generally, this is where they are.

And ooh la la, nearly had a dent in those people there, but there you go. By the way, bearing in mind this is quiet at the moment, this isn't busy at all. I'm going to check it out when it's busy. Someone who does not want to live much longer. Take a look, no, gone, dead, sorry, died. Family have been notified. Oh bus, oh dear, 50 points. Look at those people. Oh my god, poor so-and-sos. No, actually they're going to be transported. Yes, they are now being transported to the centre of the Arc de Triomphe where they will spend the rest of their lives not knowing how to get out. And they can eat double cheeseburgers at the same time. Look at that. Buy one, get one free. Two and a half euros. Marvelous. You'll notice that guy in red. He's now signalling to his loved one on the other side of the road showing his undivided love.

10:11 Fair dues, everyone's behaving quite nicely, actually

Ah, some motorbicalists. Ah, another cyclist. Here we go. Another one. Yes, ladies and gentlemen. Will he make it? Will he make it? Who knows? Right, chap here just paused getting ready now. He's actually getting ready on the telephone. In fact, he's on two telephones. Look at this. One, two. That is a clever slot. Two telephones getting ready now to go around the Arc de Triomphe. Marvellous. Meow. Ah, bicyclist. Well, I'm actually a motorbicyclist. Fair dues, everyone's behaving quite nicely, actually. I wonder what would happen if I tried to run across the road now. I don't know, I'd probably be classed as being very, very stupid, actually. So I won't do it. And there in the distance is the Eiffel Tower. Yep, there it is. Blue light, see, I told you. They've taken the cyclist away. That is absolutely amazing.

11:24 Random, walked away

And what I didn't point out as well that if you're very very naughty you have to actually stay on the top and basically never come down again. Right, as you know I like to give stuff away so what I generally do is when I'm doing live streaming I just give random stuff What could be more random than this? Right, here we go. There's another one there. Let's have a look. I can see two over there. Alright. There you go. Bits Paris. And you can have them too. Okay, so here I am in Paris, random talking to myself and what I've done is I've stopped and just given some of the DJ Tutor cards to random people. Just like I said Well, I haven't said anything, I've just given them a card. Shaken them by the hand and walked away. Smiled and walked away. Now, this is how random it is. Those particular people could, let's say, throw it away. They could stick it in their back pocket, never look at it again. Or they may go on the website and see what's going on, get involved, and before you know it, could have changed their lives. Probably end up shooting themselves.

That's how random life is, isn't it? It's all good. And that's the hotel where I'm staying. I like that.

This transcript was produced automatically from the audio of the video and may contain mistakes.